I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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