i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
