Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
