Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
A bitchslap is in order.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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