Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
