We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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