just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize