Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
