Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
