You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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