I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
