hell yes lets make some ravioli
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
