it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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