this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
