is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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