Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
