There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You're like the curious george of whores
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
