i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
