I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
