do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
