Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
