That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
