Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
