I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
