Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
