Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
