I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
