shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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