is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
