Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
