You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
