There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
