So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
