Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
