He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
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I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize