i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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