So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
