that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
