I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm passing your future prison.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
