Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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