I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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