Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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