so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
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Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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