ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
