you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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