did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
