It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
