I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Even my vagina gasped.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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