Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
