is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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