so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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