At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
