The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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