Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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