i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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