U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
