Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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