I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
