Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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