What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
