How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
