No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
