In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
