Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
