I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
