so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I am full of burrito and curiosity
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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