Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
