i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize