Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
