I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
