I hope mine doesn't look like that
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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