I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
