i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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