so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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